Demystifying Cheating

My friend Natalie called me a few days ago. Her voice was unusually calm and solemn. “Could you please come to my place? It’s a bit urgent,” she said before hanging up. I didn’t even get the chance to respond and that’s how I knew she was not at all requesting. I hate not having information and I made a mental note to lecture Natalie about it later. My mind tends to run wild and I get very anxious. Being creative isn’t always milk and honey. Twenty minutes later, I was at her door. Cindy, a mutual friend, was there too.
Immediately I walked into the house my nostrils were filled with what I call Varsity Scent. This is what a typical university student’s dwelling place often smells like. It is a mixture of liquor, smoke and fast foods. It surely looked like a party but the wet handkerchief, red eyes and puffy face told me Natalie and Cindy had not been making merry at all. “He cheated. I went through his phone and he has another woman,” Natalie blurted out mid sobbing. This was not a YOLO party. This was a men are trash party. Cindy and I did our best to console our friend and clear the booze. We succeeded in both. There is, however, one way in which I failed; I was asked to explain why men cheat but couldn’t come up with a proper answer for the life of me. The question has been gnawing at the back of my mind since then so I’m going to answer it the best way I know how. Truth is, there are multiple reasons why we step out and I’ll give perspective on the most common.
You Had Something to Do With It
Once you’re done rolling your eyes and cursing me out pay close attention. For a sane man, every action is motivated. Nobody just does things without a reason. Everyone has needs they expect should be met by their romantic partners. Some are obvious while others not so much. When a man’s needs are not being met he will instinctively find a way to have them met. A lot of men suffer in sexless relationships because the organ responsible for love and the sexual one were not in agreement. Some will persevere, others will call it quits and a considerable portion will step out to fulfill their bodily needs. Girlfriends who are not ready for sex tend to think giving a man regular ejaculations will satisfy a man but that’s not the case. Nothing can duplicate the satisfaction obtained from the intimacy of love making. Your hands and mouth don’t quite cut it. It might not be very fair to use this as a justification for cheating, but it makes sense and is worth paying attention to. Don’t force a man into celibacy if he does not choose it himself because when his blood runs hot, that’s more than enough motive.
Other needs supersede the sexual realm. These are emotional needs, and they are exponentially worse than sexual desire. The latter lasts a while and can be evaded by applying distraction techniques. Emotions, on the other hand, don’t go away. When a person’s (whether male or female) emotional needs aren’t met by a significant other the mind is wired to seek out other people to do so. For a man, attention and respect breed attachment. From this grows affection. Add attraction to the equation and what you have is a spell. A man stepping put for sex will quickly come to his senses in what is popularly known as post-nut clarity. However, a man whose emotional needs are met elsewhere is as good as gone.
Toxic Masculinity
Men are tuned to naturally crave power. Masculinity is a sensitive issue but unfortunately not many people receive proper guidance on how to go about it. A lot of modern ideas about masculinity are toxic but this does not stop them from being popular and commonplace.
Many people argue that man was not built for monogamy. History justifies it undeniably, but the previous century has done much to change this. Evolution enables us to change in adaptation to the environment in which we exist. A huge majority of those reading this were brought up in monogamous homes so who are we to claim that it is unnatural?
Masculinity is derived from different sources varying with the man in question. A misguided idea is that it is more masculine to have several sexual partners. The more dragons you slay, the more you’re considered a hero. Unfortunately undue parallels are drawn. In a quest to fill the bottomless pit of toxic masculinity, some men will try to sleep with as many and as often women as they can. This does not make them void of emotion. Such a man will love and even court to have his emotional needs met but he will often step out because that’s where he draws his masculinity from.
Perceived Power
Power and masculinity are close allies. Sex is a form of power. A man will cheat because it makes him feel powerful. Allow me to break it down; When a man is in control, he feels powerful. Control can only be exercised where choices exist. Therefore, the ability to choose gives a man control. Having different choices to makes comes from the availability of options. Sadly, these options are alternatives in the form of sexual partners.
Character Flaws
Certain defects in a person’s character could lead them to cheat. These include low impulse control and commitment problems. Several factors can lead to such defects. Most of which are treatable through therapy. Other men are generally horrible human beings and there is unfortunately no remedy for that.

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